June 29, 2009

Just a Bit

Writing, I've discovered, is a fickle activity. Or perhaps I am a fickle writer. The latter is probably more plausible than the former. Though I have heard writers discuss the need for a twinge of sadness in order to sit down at the computer. I've often used this blog as a sort of dumping ground for any thoughts I needed to get rid of. It's almost like a pensieve, which I believe is a magical made up thing yet a useful analogy nonetheless.

So why haven't I been writing? I've been somewhat happy for the past few months. There are various reasons, which I don't feel like discussing. Sadness for me it seems is a public activity, but I like to keep the good things to myself. This is partly superstition and partly a desire to avoid questions from certain parties. (Conocen quienes son.) Oh, how I dread the questions, because at this point in my life the answers are always changing and even I can't keep up. Why ask other people to?

Also, I should be honest: Readers that I don't know personally freak me out a bit. Don't get me wrong - it's encouraging in a way. But it also feels like a bit of an intrusion. As though there are eavesdroppers on my musings. Why keep a blog then? Well, why have a cellphone conversation on a bus? It's convenient? If I could be so emotionally and mentally consistent, you'd probably be completely bored by me. And, I think, in this era we all have to accept the paradox of the wish for privacy in public forums. Also, as I recently told a dear friend, it's pointless to try to be perfectly consistent if you value the moment you're living in.

I'll try to write more this summer. A lot of things have happened and there are even more things planned. A trip to Boston here, a family visit there; the start of school. Oh, and there's a farm I want to visit. Maybe even a new apartment? For now, enjoy the coming holiday; and know that I'm thinking of you. Also, for everyone's sake let's hope the news is a little less exciting than last week's. Shake Your Body (Down to the Ground) anybody?

xoxo